Of Evil Stepmothers and A Man in Black
by Misuto6927
Summary: You're bored, and since boredom causes health problems for all those involved, you counteract that!   ...What better way to do that than telling a story?    Warning: Product of High Sugar Intake!


Oh, it was another murder case… And there was a silence for a long time now, as they'd hit a dead end. You, of course, being the kid you were, got bored rather quickly. Looking across the room, you caught sight of a book.

A fairy tale book…

"Once upon a time!" you declared, jumping up with your discovery.

Sebastian and Ciel stared at you, confused, while Lau and Ran Mao only looked over, ever the same. You ignored them and continued on, dramatically. "In order to relieve the boredom of all of us at this halt in the murder case, I~ will~ tell a story~!"

Ciel sighed, exasperated and tired. "Look, (Y/N)," he began, "This is a serious case an-"

Lau cut him off, waving him away with his too long sleeves. "Go on, (Y/N)~" he said, "Entertain us."

There was an awkward pause, where everyone figured that he either he was bored, or he was just humoring you. With a resigned sigh, Ciel nodded for you to go on.

You sparkled with joy and, with a grand flourish, said: "Taking in our current case into account, which is a murder one, I have decided on a murderish sorta fairy tale!"

Lau smiled, nodding in understanding. "I see~" he said, "What a wonderful choice of story! Right, Ran Mao?"

Ran Mao nodded, almost imperceptibly.

Sebastian coughed lightly, hiding a tiny smile behind a hand. Ciel stared at you.

"(Y/N)… What sort of fairy tale has to do with a murder case?" he asked, hesitantly, almost afraid of your answer.

You turned to him with a wide smile. "None, of course! So I'm putting a spin on one!"

Ciel's eyes widened. Oh no. You weren't… _actually_ going to…

Your smirk turned slightly evil for just a brief second, and you lunged at Ciel.

"Once upon a times, in a mansion faaaaaar, faaar away!" you said, "There was a princess!"

You pushed Ciel into the middle of the room, while he gave you his signature I-don't-want-to-be-a-part-of-this-because-this-is-madness look, coupled with an irk mark.

Blissfully, you ignored both of these, continuing. "The princess was the fairest in all of land! And not only that, she had the most beautiful dresses, and was the envy of her stepmother!"

On the word "stepmother", you pulled Lau into the scene with you.

Lau's smile somehow resembled a smirk. "Oh, Earl-chan~" He paused, forgetting a line, and then decided to ad lib. "I... am prettier than you!"

You choked, snickering. Well, you HAD forced Ciel back into that amazing, pink dress! That amazing, pink, lacy, frilly dress!

Recovering, you continued. "The princess had a love! But the jealous step mother wouldn't let her have LOVE! So she forbid them to meet!" You paused, and then added as an afterthought, "To do this, she locked the fairy princess in a tower! A **TAAAAALLLL** tower!"

You emphasized the tallness with you hands, which wasn't much, since you were about Ciel's height.

Ciel blinked, confused enough to stop being irked. "Wait, I thought I was- W-Why am I am fairy princess now?" he demanded, forgetting the fact he wasn't even a princess.

Lau swooped in, ever in character, placing Ciel on top of a short bookcase. "Fairy princesses don't get loves!" he declared, "They get opium for only forty eur-"

You threw a pair of sparkly fairy wings at Lau. "Let's not discuss our controversial alter roles in life, Evil Stepmother! And put those on Ciel!"

After this was done, you continued.

"The fairy princess's knight in black armor despaired!"

Sebastian shook his head in mock exasperation. "Gotten yourself caught by a second rate villain _again,_ haven't you?"

"And the princess, heartbroken and sad, prayed every day for her knight to carry her off!"

…

…

Nothing but silence from Ciel, who was just horrified at the thought of Sebastian being his knight. You huffed indignantly and stood under Ciel's bookcase, in order to properly play his part for him.

"Oh, Sebastian, love!" you murmured in a breathy falsetto, "please save me and carry me away!"

If Ciel could reach that globe on that other bookcase and throw it at you, he would have.

Nevertheless, he was annoyed. "Sebastian," he started in a commanding tone, "Get me down from this bookcase this instant. We need to start hypothesizing on other leads!"

Sebastian, with an amused smirk, complied. You crossed your arms. No one was going according to script anymore!

… Not that you had one…

… Not that you were following a particular story anyway…

… But still!

Lau jumped in, cheerfully speaking Sebastian's part. "I've come to rescue you, dear princess!"

You brightened. "The princess was overjoyed! Tears of joy fell from her one visible eye – the other had been injured-"

"By the evil stepmother! For I," declared Lau, "Am prettier than the fairy princess!"

"And the man in black rushed off with his true love as she blushed in his arms!"

In Sebastian's arms, Ciel half-flailed, blushing only because of your commentary. Sebastian chuckled, smoothly putting Ciel down onto the floor.

They exited the room, with Ran Mao following them, impassive.

"Aaaaaaaaand~!" you started, dramatically, "They loved each other deeply, had sixteen babies, and-"

Lau looked over and saw his Ran Mao leaving and decided to follow.

"- lived happily ever after! The End~" You finish your fairytale with a huge grin, and a delighted clap. "Well~~? How was it?"

You look around the study and blinked several times. Well.

Well fine.

One day, someone would truly appreciate a true master of storytelling… YOU.

**~ EXTENDED ENDING ~**

"Eee!"

"M-Mei Rin?" Finny blinked, rushing over.

"Look, look!"

He did. And gaped. "W-W-"

Mey Rin gasped, as Ciel and Sebastian disappeared down the hallway. "It's a forbidden love!" she declared, blood spurting from her nose.

Bard came out of the kitchen, unlit cigarette between his lips. "Or it had to do with her." He said, pointing to your figure, happily skipping down the hallway.

Cue three sighs: One of disappointment, one of relief and one of exasperation with idiocy.


End file.
